That cat life

When it comes to contentment, there's not much that can beat a happily sleeping cat. I often wish I could achieve that level of relaxation, and today I sat down and thought about what life as a cat would be like.

If I imitated my cat, I would...

• Walk around the house yelling at the top of my lungs any time I was hungry. Or bored. Or lonely. Or just felt like it. Especially if it was the middle of the night.
• Steal people's seats any time they got up. Even they were gone for less than a minute. And even if my original seat was more comfortable.
• Take a poop, and then run around the house at top speed for the next minute or two. Maybe I'd flush, maybe not; predictability is overrated.
• Spend a lot of time sleeping in sunbeams. Bonus points for chasing other beings out of the sunbeam if they were there first, even if there was plenty of space to share.
• Bathe obsessively, and forcibly drag other beings into the bath with me if I decided they smelled bad.
• Have an all-consuming desire to eat sugar, bread, mayonnaise, and tuna fish, and lick out all the dishes in the sink, even if it made me puke.
• Run and hide under the bed any time I heard the doorbell, because strangers are the worst.
• Put my butt wherever I felt like, whenever I felt like, and then look offended if forced to move elsewhere.

No wonder my cat is so relaxed - he doesn't worry about anything except his next meal, doesn't feel any obligations regarding social interactions, and couldn't care less what people think of him! What a wonderful life that must be. Unfortunately, I don't think I should imitate his behavior, so I guess I'll just have to find the secret to contentment elsewhere. Maybe I should try imitating the dog...