Chuck Versus the Junior Year

After an amazing time at Wizard World Pittsburgh this past weekend, where I got the chance to meet actors from multiple TV shows I really enjoy, I wanted share the impact that one particular show has had on my life. One of the actors at Wizard World was Zac Levi, who has been a favorite of mine for about ten years now. Most recently, he was Shazam, and among other things, he's also done Broadway shows, voiced Flynn Rider, and played the title character on the TV show Chuck. It's that show I want to talk about.

I was introduced to Chuck during my junior year of college, while it was airing its second season, and I loved it right away. The main character was such a nerd, and the show itself was funny, and had great depictions of both family and romantic relationships, and awesome stunt sequences, and a clever plot. But the more I watched it, the more I came to realize that I loved it for something more than just being an excellent show.

You see, my junior year of college was also the year my life started falling apart, and it was a mess for a while. I was dealing with both depression and anxiety, to the point where my mental health issues were causing physical health issues, and I was unable to maintain the facade I'd been building for most of my life. The real me was not pretty, and having my friends see that felt like the end of the world.

Enter Chuck, which I watched and rewatched obsessively for the next several years. Every show means something a little different to each individual viewer, but if I were to sum up what I took away from Chuck, it would go something like this: embrace your strengths, and don't hide your weaknesses; start where you are right now, and move forward from there.

In other words, if you're a geeky nerd who loves science and math and obsesses over fictional entertainment and struggles with depression and anxiety and is fiercely loyal and too smart for your own good, that's okay. Be honest with yourself and others, and don't be afraid to chuck your carefully constructed persona out the window, because the people that matter won't run away when you let them see the real you. Keep going even when it seems like your life is a mess, and have the courage to ask for the help and support you need to face life's struggles.

All of that from one TV show, you ask? Yes, and more as well - watching TV has always been more than just an escape for me.

Of course, God, in his providence, gave me more than one lifeline to cling to in the midst of everything, and I don't want to discount how grateful I am for the promises in Scripture, or for the people he put in my life. However, I really do believe he gave me Chuck as well, because it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. And since the convention this weekend got me thinking about this again, I wanted to write it all down, because that's how I process things. I don't think I could have written this a few years ago, but now, with some distance, it feels right to look back at where I was, and rehearse the lessons I've learned. Even if those lessons came from fictional characters.

Tempered patriotism

Today is July 4th - Independence Day, if you live in the USA. Strangely, this is probably the major holiday that has me feeling the most ambivalent right now. You'd think I'd love a holiday that involves pyrotechnics (and I do love a good fireworks display), but it's hard to feel very patriotic these days.

You might think that having a mother who chose to immigrate and become an American citizen would mean I was somehow instilled with a stronger sense of patriotism as a kid, but I'm pretty sure the opposite was actually the case. I grew up knowing that every country has its own set of strengths and weaknesses, and while some countries definitely provide a higher standard of living than others, no country has all its shit together.

And you might think that being a military spouse would cause me to feel more patriotic, but that hasn't been the case either. I'm not part of the military community because I feel strongly about America, but because I feel strongly about one special guy who chose a military career, enough so that I chose to follow him on that adventure despite my initial misgivings.

Am I glad to live in a nation where I have a voice in the political process, and can worship God freely, and use my education to pursue my dream of teaching others? Most definitely.

And do I have respect and gratitude for those who fought to create the nation I live in today, whether soldiers or activists or anyone who refused to sit back and accept the status quo without question? Without question.

I am very grateful for my life, and the privileges I enjoy. But I'm also not blind to this nation's flaws, and that tempers any sense of patriotism I might have. I'd love to live in a nation where I could unhesitatingly proclaim my love of country, without qualification. Instead, I live in this flawed nation, in this broken world, waiting and working toward the only kingdom that has my unceasing loyalty - the kingdom of our Lord and of Jesus Christ.