Disclaimer: If you think Oklahoma is an awesome state or even a moderately okay state, or if you don't like hearing someone complain about things that can't be changed, you probably don't want to keep reading.
This was also written at some point between midnight and one a.m. Which probably contributed to the brutal honesty.
Anyway.
I try really hard to stay positive about things, I really do. But sometimes it's just more than I can take and I don't know how to stay positive anymore.
So...
People are always asking me how I like living in Oklahoma. And I give them the piece of the answer they want to hear: "We have a wonderful church out here, which is great!" or "It's a lot sunnier here than in Beaver Falls!" or "I like having a house with a backyard!" Which are all true statements, but I'm leaving a lot out. Because no one wants to hear the rest of the truth.
I hate the weather here. Sure, it's sunnier. I don't care. We have two seasons: Summer, which lasts for six months and is miserably hot. And fall/winter/spring, which covers the other six months. Sometimes you can get nice weather in there, and sometimes it's just really nasty and cold. Not the nice kind of winter, the really crappy kind. I'm tired of it being too hot to enjoy the outdoors half the time, and too cold a quarter of the time.
Oh, and that's another thing I hate. Even on those rare occasions when it is actually nice outside, there's no place to enjoy it. Parks out here suck. There are no creeks, and no real lakes (the muck-filled pond that is Meadow Lake does not count). When we lived in Jersey, we had two gorgeous parks nearby, with water and woods and lovely trails. And there was good hiking/camping within three hours. Same for PA - we had Brady's Run and McConnell's Mill and Lake Arthur close by, and Frick and Schenley Park when Trevor lived in Pittsburgh. And the Allegheny National Forest was always available for backpacking trips. Parks out here don't even come close.
The weather and geography actually frustrate me a lot, but I usually try to just let that go, and focus on the good things. Like that wonderful church family we have. But you know what? I had a wonderful church family in PA, too. One that I was a part of for years and years. One that I felt much more at home in, because I'd known the people for a long time. And until we've been somewhere else for twenty years, that will probably always be my real church home. Doesn't matter that I'm a member of ERC - I still feel more at home at Christ Pres. So even though I'm really grateful for a good church out here (and I really am, really and truly), it's not enough right now to make me feel better.
And the worst part about living out here is that we're hundreds and hundreds of miles from everyone and everything I love. 400 miles to Omaha, Nebraska - and that's the shortest distance. 1800 miles to Maine. 1100 miles to where I really want to be right now - where my family is (and Karen now, too), where a big stupid slobbery dog is waiting to drool on my lap... I miss people so much. (And I miss hugs. I really miss hugs. Not side-arm awkward hugs. Not gentle squeezes. Real freaking hugs. With people I love more than anything.)
I know we're here in Oklahoma because this is where God wants us. But right now I just want to be some place where they have normal seasons, where there are lakes and hills and woods. And where the people I love are, where I don't feel so alone. (Yes, I have Trevor. And yes, I'm incredibly grateful for that. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm really, really lonely.)
It's not likely that we're leaving Oklahoma anytime soon, though. And who knows where we'll go from here. So I guess I'll just keep trying to be okay with where God puts us (it's a hard lesson to learn), and occasionally venting my frustrations, just so I don't go insane. At least it's good incentive to build good relationships with God and my husband, 'cause those stay with me wherever we live...
